#64 - Week Off

I have one week of vacation
Away from my occupation.
So eff limericks,
I need a quick fix
Of Las Vegas relaxation.

#63 - Hall Shoots, Hall Scores!

Hall got his first NHL goal
Deflecting it through the five-hole.
Now that he has scored,
We will not be bored.
That kid's gonna go on a roll.

#62 - Backup

Tonight, Devan Dubnyk will start.
A move that most fans think is smart.
Jeff Deslaurier
Will say it's okay
But deep down there's a pain in his heart.

#61 - Flames Again?

Please stab me in the eyes with a pen...
We're playing the damned Flames again.
Hey scheduler, you're fired
'Cause we're all sick and tired
Of booing that team of so-called men.

Haiku #14 - Learning

Losing 6 to 1...
A learning experience.
Learn to win next time.

#60 - Going Wild

There once was a team called the Wild
Who in Oil Country were reviled.
When they'd meet on the road
The Oilers would implode
So hopefully at home they'll be riled.

#59 - Mandel

There once was a man named Mandel
Who clearly was not a tough sell.
If we all made our picks
Based on him versus six
In the mayor's office he'd still dwell.

#58 - Monday

Oh hello, my nemesis Monday...
Polar opposite of a fun day.
Let it not go unsaid:
To me, you are dead
And will forever be a shunned day.

Haiku #13 - Hockey Night

Alberta battle.
Hockey Night in Canada.
Flames will all be doused.

#57 - The Streak

In Minny, road games have been bleak.
Thirteen losses made the Oil look weak.
But no lactic acid
Means legs won't be flaccid
So tonight they'll begin a new streak.

#56 - Work Week

Down the road something we should all seek
Is a schedule with one little tweak.
Long weekends are good
But really we should
Change the norm to a 4-day work week.

Haiku #12 - Thanks?

oh, thirty pound bird
you've flown from plate to belly
now I'm the stuffed one

#55 - The King

After game one it's easy to see

There's a monarch in Oil Country.

With a single goal

He's now in control.

All bow down to King Eberle.

#54 - It Begins

 



The wait's finally over, it's true.
It begins for the copper and blue.
With our eight dollar beer,
The whole Nation will cheer
On route to win number eighty-two.

#53 - The Cough

My cough's into week number three.
Suffice to say it sucks to be me.
With a big "ahem!"
I hack up some phlegm
And my coworkers all turn and flee.

#52 - The 7th Defenceman

The preseason Oilers have looked slick
But one thing still makes some fans sick.
Petiot, Peckham, Belle
Will all give'er hell
Just to earn a spot behind Strudwick.

#51 - The Rookies

There once was a set of three rookies
Who all seemed to be quite skilled cookies.
Tonight will be a first...
Triple hat tricks, no worse!
Just ask Edmonton's finest bookies.

Limerick #50

There once was a coach named Pat Quinn
Who had a commitment to win.
He didn't win many
So now in comes Renney,
While Pat takes one on his big chin.

Haiku #11

10:30 p.m.
Who does the sun think he is?
I think I'll moon him.

Limerick #49

There once was a happy white whale
Who liked to drink casks full of ale.
The old whale would sink
From the beer he'd drink
Then get rescued by birds without fail.

Limerick #48

There is a toy called the iPhone
That gives all its users a bone.
They'll rush out the door
When the iPhone 4
Is available for them to own.

Haiku #10

Hiking and biking.
All one needs is two strong feet.
Oh yeah... a bike too.

Limerick #47

These few months when we get some sun
Are the best times in Edmonton.
But summer's so fast
And once it has passed
Sightings of my bare legs will be done.

Limerick #46

The Oilers best prospect in my mind
Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson has signed.
Until Stu makes the call
Forget Seguin and Hall.
For now it's the Swede's time to shine.

Limerick #45

There's this non-profit thing called TED.
That makes sparks fly inside your head.
Tomorrow in Banff
A huge avalanche
Of ideas is certain to spread.

Haiku #9

Red Deer Alberta.
Smells like propane and manure.
Yet still so charming.

Limerick #44

On this strange blizzard of a birthday
I learned something 'bout the 4th of May.
I'll give you a clue:
"May the 4th be with you."
You guessed it - today's Star Wars day!

Limerick #43

A player named Sheldon Souray
Was so sexy, he turned straight men gay.
"That man has it made!
No need for a trade!"
So they thought until this fateful day.

Haiku #8

Hockey season dies.
So why all the hockey sticks?
Ball hockey lives on.

Limerick #42

Just when you bring out your spring clothes
The wind starts up and never slows.
Outside everyone
Thinks of the same pun
And the whole city grumbles, "wind blows."

Limerick #41

There once was a young busty hooker,
Who went wherever Jaffer took her.
She ate and she drank
And though she's a skank
Those double E's make her a looker.

Limerick #40

So after taking jabs at my boards,
JCI gives me a nice award.
Embarrased, I grinned,
"So sorry I sinned,
Please forgive my transgressions dear lord."

Limerick #39

I'm sipping on sweet freedom nectar
'Cause no more boards call me Director.
But now they ask, "Please
Stay on committees?"
So I'm not a complete defector.

Limerick #38

There once was a large Russian man
Who sang much better than I can.
He crooned "Trololo"
And swayed to and fro,
Then I was soon his biggest fan.

Limerick #37

There once was a bill of health-care.
That had people's fists in the air.
Rich capitalists
Were clearly most pissed
'Cause helping poor sick folks ain't fair!

Haiku #7

Five points in two games?
Two-hundred and five next year?
Trust in Eberle.

Limerick #36

All the Oilers ever do is lose
Yet they remain tops in the news.
Taking centre stage
On The Sun's front page
Was a shot of the draft pick we'll choose.

Limerick #35

What the heck did I do last night?!
Obviously I forgot to write.
However, this fail
Is really quit pale
Compared to my two month epic fight.

Limerick #34

St. Patty's Day's great, don't you think?
It's a weekday when everyone drinks!
Just don't drink green beer
Or you'll have to fear
Passing out with green puke in the sink.

Limerick #33

I've got some leftovers for lunch
And I'm about to start to munch.
It's food from last night
But after one bite
It's got sandwiches beat by a bunch.

Limerick #32

On a whim I decided, "Screw it.
I'm just going to effing do it."
So folks, here it is.
I'm back in the biz.
2 months? That's some long overdue shit.

Limerick #31

The torch came and a dude got near it,
Trying to get into the spirit.
But to his surprise
Flames burnt out his eyes -
Now he has every right to fear it.

Limerick #30

An unfunny yet rich guy named Jay
Had a shtick that was a sad display.
His replacement Conan
Had just barely began
When Jay went and took his slot away.

Limerick #29

Some people complained that they hurled
While others said their minds unfurled.
Cameron raised the bar
With his Avatar
After all, he's the king of the world.

Haiku #6

Fingers touch keyboard.
Backspace caressed most often.
Poem is written.