Thursday, November 4, 2010

#64 - Week Off

I have one week of vacation
Away from my occupation.
So eff limericks,
I need a quick fix
Of Las Vegas relaxation.

Friday, October 29, 2010

#63 - Hall Shoots, Hall Scores!

Hall got his first NHL goal
Deflecting it through the five-hole.
Now that he has scored,
We will not be bored.
That kid's gonna go on a roll.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

#62 - Backup

Tonight, Devan Dubnyk will start.
A move that most fans think is smart.
Jeff Deslaurier
Will say it's okay
But deep down there's a pain in his heart.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

#61 - Flames Again?

Please stab me in the eyes with a pen...
We're playing the damned Flames again.
Hey scheduler, you're fired
'Cause we're all sick and tired
Of booing that team of so-called men.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Haiku #14 - Learning

Losing 6 to 1...
A learning experience.
Learn to win next time.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

#60 - Going Wild

There once was a team called the Wild
Who in Oil Country were reviled.
When they'd meet on the road
The Oilers would implode
So hopefully at home they'll be riled.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

#59 - Mandel

There once was a man named Mandel
Who clearly was not a tough sell.
If we all made our picks
Based on him versus six
In the mayor's office he'd still dwell.

Monday, October 18, 2010

#58 - Monday

Oh hello, my nemesis Monday...
Polar opposite of a fun day.
Let it not go unsaid:
To me, you are dead
And will forever be a shunned day.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Haiku #13 - Hockey Night

Alberta battle.
Hockey Night in Canada.
Flames will all be doused.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

#57 - The Streak

In Minny, road games have been bleak.
Thirteen losses made the Oil look weak.
But no lactic acid
Means legs won't be flaccid
So tonight they'll begin a new streak.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

#56 - Work Week

Down the road something we should all seek
Is a schedule with one little tweak.
Long weekends are good
But really we should
Change the norm to a 4-day work week.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Haiku #12 - Thanks?

oh, thirty pound bird
you've flown from plate to belly
now I'm the stuffed one

Sunday, October 10, 2010

#55 - The King

After game one it's easy to see
There's a monarch in Oil Country.
With a single goal
He's now in control.
All bow down to King Eberle.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

#54 - It Begins


The wait's finally over, it's true.
It begins for the copper and blue.
With our eight dollar beer,
The whole Nation will cheer
On route to win number eighty-two.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

#53 - The Cough

My cough's into week number three.
Suffice to say it sucks to be me.
With a big "ahem!"
I hack up some phlegm
And my coworkers all turn and flee.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

#52 - The 7th Defenceman

The preseason Oilers have looked slick
But one thing still makes some fans sick.
Petiot, Peckham, Belle
Will all give'er hell
Just to earn a spot behind Strudwick.

Friday, October 1, 2010

#51 - The Rookies

There once was a set of three rookies
Who all seemed to be quite skilled cookies.
Tonight will be a first...
Triple hat tricks, no worse!
Just ask Edmonton's finest bookies.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Limerick #50

There once was a coach named Pat Quinn
Who had a commitment to win.
He didn't win many
So now in comes Renney,
While Pat takes one on his big chin.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Haiku #11

10:30 p.m.
Who does the sun think he is?
I think I'll moon him.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Limerick #49

There once was a happy white whale
Who liked to drink casks full of ale.
The old whale would sink
From the beer he'd drink
Then get rescued by birds without fail.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Limerick #48

There is a toy called the iPhone
That gives all its users a bone.
They'll rush out the door
When the iPhone 4
Is available for them to own.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Haiku #10

Hiking and biking.
All one needs is two strong feet.
Oh yeah... a bike too.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Limerick #47

These few months when we get some sun
Are the best times in Edmonton.
But summer's so fast
And once it has passed
Sightings of my bare legs will be done.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Limerick #46

The Oilers best prospect in my mind
Magnus Paajarvi-Svensson has signed.
Until Stu makes the call
Forget Seguin and Hall.
For now it's the Swede's time to shine.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Limerick #45

There's this non-profit thing called TED.
That makes sparks fly inside your head.
Tomorrow in Banff
A huge avalanche
Of ideas is certain to spread.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Haiku #9

Red Deer Alberta.
Smells like propane and manure.
Yet still so charming.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Limerick #44

On this strange blizzard of a birthday
I learned something 'bout the 4th of May.
I'll give you a clue:
"May the 4th be with you."
You guessed it - today's Star Wars day!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Limerick #43

A player named Sheldon Souray
Was so sexy, he turned straight men gay.
"That man has it made!
No need for a trade!"
So they thought until this fateful day.

Haiku #8

Hockey season dies.
So why all the hockey sticks?
Ball hockey lives on.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Limerick #42

Just when you bring out your spring clothes
The wind starts up and never slows.
Outside everyone
Thinks of the same pun
And the whole city grumbles, "wind blows."

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Limerick #41

There once was a young busty hooker,
Who went wherever Jaffer took her.
She ate and she drank
And though she's a skank
Those double E's make her a looker.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Limerick #40

So after taking jabs at my boards,
JCI gives me a nice award.
Embarrased, I grinned,
"So sorry I sinned,
Please forgive my transgressions dear lord."

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Limerick #39

I'm sipping on sweet freedom nectar
'Cause no more boards call me Director.
But now they ask, "Please
Stay on committees?"
So I'm not a complete defector.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Limerick #38

There once was a large Russian man
Who sang much better than I can.
He crooned "Trololo"
And swayed to and fro,
Then I was soon his biggest fan.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Limerick #37

There once was a bill of health-care.
That had people's fists in the air.
Rich capitalists
Were clearly most pissed
'Cause helping poor sick folks ain't fair!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Haiku #7

Five points in two games?
Two-hundred and five next year?
Trust in Eberle.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Limerick #36

All the Oilers ever do is lose
Yet they remain tops in the news.
Taking centre stage
On The Sun's front page
Was a shot of the draft pick we'll choose.

Limerick #35

What the heck did I do last night?!
Obviously I forgot to write.
However, this fail
Is really quit pale
Compared to my two month epic fight.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Limerick #34

St. Patty's Day's great, don't you think?
It's a weekday when everyone drinks!
Just don't drink green beer
Or you'll have to fear
Passing out with green puke in the sink.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Limerick #33

I've got some leftovers for lunch
And I'm about to start to munch.
It's food from last night
But after one bite
It's got sandwiches beat by a bunch.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Limerick #32

On a whim I decided, "Screw it.
I'm just going to effing do it."
So folks, here it is.
I'm back in the biz.
2 months? That's some long overdue shit.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Limerick #31

The torch came and a dude got near it,
Trying to get into the spirit.
But to his surprise
Flames burnt out his eyes -
Now he has every right to fear it.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Limerick #30

An unfunny yet rich guy named Jay
Had a shtick that was a sad display.
His replacement Conan
Had just barely began
When Jay went and took his slot away.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Limerick #29

Some people complained that they hurled
While others said their minds unfurled.
Cameron raised the bar
With his Avatar
After all, he's the king of the world.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Haiku #6

Fingers touch keyboard.
Backspace caressed most often.
Poem is written.