Limerick #27

When my wife is wrapping a gift
She does it impressively swift.
I wish she could wrap
Up all of her crap
But if I asked she'd get pretty miffed.

Limerick #26

When would we celebrate Christmas
If there was no winter solstice?
On the darkest of nights
The pagans were alright
'Cause they'd stay warm by all getting pissed.

Haiku #5

Boy looks up smiling.
Santa's helpers carry bags.
Their smiles are equal.

Limerick #25

At Christmas there's something quite strange -
A "fun" game that will never change.
We spend twenty bucks,
Get something that sucks,
Then complain about the gift exchange.

Limerick #21

There once was a bare plastic tree
That for two weeks stared straight at me.
It said, "What's the deal?
I want balls to feel!"
I said, "Shut it perv, I've been busy."

Limerick #19

At the Christmas party thrown by ACE
I drank booze at a medium pace.
The right amount of beer
To share Christmas cheer
But not stumble and fall on my face.

Limerick #17

Way deep down inside my brain stem
There's a soft spot for Boney M.
I always succumb
To their Christmas album
'Cause sweet Jesus, that record's a gem.